What Might Have Been 1/1
Jan. 2nd, 2013 02:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lynnlee22What Might Have Been
OLTL: Kelly/Joey
A/N: Lyrics from "What Might Have Been" by Little Texas
New York City
2018
Another quick flash of his press pass and he was back in the madness again. New York City was a far cry from Llanview, Pennsylvania and though he didn’t love the traffic, the noise, or the constant state of chaos, he had to admit there was an air of excitement everywhere you went.
As he looked around the crowded room, he saw some familiar faces. A few from sister newspapers, even some reporters from local television studios were here. Visits from politicians always drew the press and today was no exception. He made his way to the front, hoping to score some good photos. That was, after all, his whole purpose in being there. As he weaved his way through the crowd he heard a laugh.
It was a laugh he’d heard a million times and hearing it now, he realized how much he’d missed it. Turning around, he found himself staring at her across the room. She hadn’t seen him yet. That much he was sure of. She hadn’t changed much—the years had been kind to her. She still had the same sparkle in her eyes and the same way of lighting up a room with her laugh.
Joey made quick work of the crowd, inching his way towards her.
“Kelly,” he said softly as he stood behind her.
She stood for a moment, in stunned silence, her back still to the voice that sent chills through her. It was as if she’d literally stepped back in time. She hadn’t heard that voice in almost seven years. Whirling around, she found herself face to face with him.
“Joey,” she smiled, throwing her arms around him before she even realized it. “My God…What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same question,” he said with a smile that melted her heart.
“I’m here for work. I’m covering the event for the Post.” She couldn’t stop staring at him. It had been so long, and it was so good to see him.
“The Post, huh?” Joey shook his head in approval. He’d always known Kelly would do well for herself. Her tenacity and attitude made her impossible to ignore. “I’m impressed.”
“Don’t be,” she smiled. “Just a lowly reporter.”
He held up his camera bag…”Better than a lowly photographer,” he smiled.
Kelly giggled then. “So,” she muttered, suddenly feeling a little awkward, “How have you been? It’s been ages since I’ve seen you.”
“Yeah…almost what? Seven years now, right?” Joey swallowed hard. He knew exactly how long it had been since Kelly had walked out of his life and out of Llanview. He would remember the moment for the rest of his life. When he told her he was staying with Aubrey for Ryder’s sake, she’d told him she understood, but she also made it clear that she wouldn’t wait for him anymore. He didn’t blame her. He didn’t expect her to put her life on hold for him, but watching her walk away from him—and out of his life was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.
“Joey,” Kelly said, snapping his out of thoughts. “You still with me?”
“Yeah, sorry,” he smiled. “I’m just a little out of it. Crazy day here.”
Kelly nodded. She was just getting ready to speak again when a man approached the podium.
“I think they’re getting ready to start,” she said, turning to Joey. “I’d better get a seat.”
“How about we meet up for drinks later? You know…just to catch up.”
Kelly smiled, and quickly reached into her purse, handing him a card. “Call me,” she smiled and quickly walked away.
Joey nodded, feeling his heart beat faster. She wanted to talk. She agreed to meet him. Maybe he still had a chance. Maybe he had a chance to make up for all those years…for all those stupid missed opportunities. He glanced down at the card with a smile. Kelly Cramer Frasier was printed in clean even font followed by a cell number. His heart sank. So much for his chance.
Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
I've got a good life now, I moved on
So when you cross my mind
I try not to think about what might have been
'Cause that was then and we have taken different roads
We can't go back again there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know what might have been
She sat at the table checking the window every few minutes to see if he’d arrived.
“Love you too, sweetie. Sleep tight, sweet dreams.” She hesitated a minute. “Yeah. I shouldn’t be too late. I’m just meeting up with a friend from home.” She listened. “Yeah, He was at the conference. I haven’t seen him in years. We’re just catching up.”
Kelly smiled as she glanced out the window and saw Joey quickly making his way towards the door.
“Ok, sweetie. He’s here. I’ll be home soon. Love you too. Bye.” She quickly closed the phone and slid it into her purse, standing to greet Joey as he approached the table.
“You look great,” he smiled, leaning in to kiss her cheek softly.
“It’s the same thing I was wearing earlier.” Kelly smiled. He was still a charmer.
“I know. You looked great then too, I just didn’t have a chance to tell you.” He paused to take a breath. “Let’s sit. Have you ordered?”
She smiled. “They have this amazing strawberry xanga. Seriously…it is to die for. I can’t come here and not get one, and I don’t need to eat the entire thing by myself, so really..you can help me.”
“From what I remember, sharing a dessert with you can be hazardous to my health,” he smiled.
“Oh...you remember,” she said with a laugh.
Joey stared at her, the smile on her face drawing his attention and keeping it. “I remember everything,” he said softly.
Silence took over the table as the mood shifted to an uncomfortable awkwardness.
“So, Um…we never did really get a chance to talk much at the convention. You never told me what you’ve been up to since I left Llanview?” She looked at him, noting the sadness in his eyes.
“How’s Aubrey?” It came out harsh—more harsh that she intended, but the truth was it still hurt. No matter how much she loved Scott—no matter how much she adored their life together, the love they shared, the daughter they had…it still hurt knowing that Joey had let her walk away.
Her words had the intended effect. They stung. Joey blinked a little stunned at how quickly her tone had changed. “Aubrey’s gone. She’s been gone a long time. That was a mistake…a huge mistake. I should have never stayed with her. I should have never married her. It was just…it was all a huge mistake.”
He looked up at Kelly, trying to gauge her reaction. Did his words mean anything? Did the fact that he’d been hurt matter at all?
She nodded. “What happened?”
“She cut a deal with Ford and Cutter. The judge overturned the custody ruling and then it didn’t matter anymore. There wasn’t any reason for me to stay. I kicked her out of the house and it wasn’t long before she and Cutter were out of town…on to their next mark, I’m sure.”
Kelly looked into his eyes. He’d been hurt. So had she. It didn’t make it ok, but somehow knowing that he’d experienced somewhere near the pain she’d felt did make it better. She reached for his hand, recognizing that she was entering into dangerous territory. Gently she touched him as he looked up at her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry she hurt you. I know how it feels to be hurt by a person that you trusted…a person that you counted on.”
“I know. I know how much I hurt you Kelly. I don’t even know the words to tell you how sorry I am for that. There’s nothing I can say to express how much I regret what I did…how much I regret the time I’ve wasted…the years we’ve wasted. That’s part of the reason I wanted to see you tonight….I wanted to apologize to you. I need you to know that I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry.”
She shook her head, feeling tears sting at her eyes. It did mean something to hear those words from him. It meant even more to be able to see the sincerity in his eyes as she stared into them.
As she took a shaky breath she said, “You said that was part of the reason you wanted to see me tonight.”
He nodded.
“What’s the other part?”
“I wanted to see if we had a chance. I wanted to tell you that I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving you and I wanted to tell you that if you’d give me a chance…if you’d give us a chance, I’d do everything in my power to make it work this time. No matter what…I wouldn’t give up on us again.”
He stopped for a moment, staring at her.
“Can you do that, Kel? Can you give us another chance?”
We can sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past
So try not to think about what might have been
'Cause that was then and we have taken different roads
We can't go back again there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know what might have been
“Joey, I…” Kelly struggled to find the right words to say. She could see how serious he was, how much hope he had that she would be willing to step back in time—to give them another chance.
He reached out, taking her hand. “I know I was stupid. Believe me…not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought about you…about what you’re doing…about where you are. I called your phone once and the number wasn’t in service.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I changed providers.” After I got married, she thought. She had to tell him.
“Joey, I…” This was so much harder than it should be. She was happy, she thought. She loved Scott. She did. Why was this so difficult?
“Do you remember the times we had, Kel? How happy we were? We can have that again? We can. It might not be easy. We’ve got things to work out…I know that, but we can do it. I know we can. I know it because I love you too much to lose you again.”
“I can’t,” she managed, her voice chocking with tears.
“You’re scared,” he said, reaching for her hand again. “I get it. I hurt you and you have every reason to not trust me, but this time it will be different. This time I…”
She jerked her hand away from his and reached into her purse grabbing her wallet. She quickly opened it, flipping it to the picture in the front.
“I can’t,” she said again, pushing it towards him.
Joey stared at the picture. Kelly’s face beamed at him. The man beside her looked to be about her age, attractive, clearly professional. The little girl between them was three—maybe four. He looked up at her, his eyes full of questions that he wasn’t sure he wanted answers to.
“What is this?” he said quietly.
“This is my life now,” she said quickly wiping her hand across her cheek. She pointed to the man in the picture. “That’s Scott Frasier. He’s my husband. We’ll be married five years next month. That’s Lily, she’ll be four in July.”
Joey forced himself to smile. “She’s beautiful. She looks just like you.”
“She’s got Scott’s nose,” Kelly whispered, sweeping away another tear.
Joey sat still for a moment, staring at the photo. When he finally found himself about to speak, he realized he only had one question. There was only one thing he really needed to know.
“Are you happy?” he asked quietly.
Kelly felt the lump rising in her throat.
“Yeah,” she said softly. “I am. He loves me, Joey and I couldn’t ask for a better husband or father. He’s there for me and Lily.”
“And you love him,” Joey said, already knowing the answer.
Kelly looked into his eyes, the same eyes she stared into so many times.
“After I left Llanview, I didn’t know if I’d ever love anyone again. I loved you so much that I didn’t think I had any love left to give anyone, but when I met Scott something changed. He made me happy. He made me feel special and loved and wanted.” She paused as she saw how much her words were hurting him.
“He made you feel the way I used to,” Joey said softly.
Kelly nodded, taking his hand. “I love him, Joey. I do.”
He carefully reached into his coat, pulling money from the pocket and placing it on the table.
“I should go,” he said quietly. “I’m really glad things are working out for you, Kel. You deserve all good things.” He softly touched her shoulder and started to walk away.
“Let me walk you to your car,” she said softly as she stood and followed him to the door.
That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night, I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye and turn and walk away
And try not to think about what might have been
'Cause that was then and we have taken different roads
We can't go back again there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know what might have been
No, we'll never know what might have been
“You know what I miss,” Kelly said softly as she walked beside Joey.
“What?” he said looking at her with hope in his eyes.
“Seeing the stars,” she sighed. “The city lights make it impossible to see the stars. You remember when we used to sit outside at night and just look up at the stars?” She looked up at him as the stood by the bench.
Joey smiled. “Yeah, I remember. I taught you where all the constellations were one night.”
“You did,” she laughed. “I bet I can still pick out Orion,” she smiled.
“I’m glad I left you with some things to remember me by.” He forced himself to smile.
“Hey,” she said, reaching up to touch his arm. “Don’t think I don’t remember.” Her eyes filled with tears as his eyes locked with hers. “I remember every second of every moment we spent together. You gave me more joy than I ever had. You were my best friend, my first love, and my hero all rolled up in one. That never goes away.”
He nodded, softly touching her face. “Until now.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, as he pulled her closer to him, hugging her gently.
“It’s ok.” He quickly kissed her forehead. “Just do me a favor and promise me I don’t have to wait seven years to see you again, ok?”
She nodded, smiling at him. “That’s a promise.”
As he climbed into the car, he sighed. She was happy. He wished she could be happy with him, but at least he knew she was with someone who loved her and treated her right. He’d have to be ok with that. He carefully looked at the card, as it lay on the dash board. He’d felt silly earlier as he’d plugged the number into his phone. He was even more surprised when an address came up. She’d mentioned working for the Post, but she must also work from home, he realized. He stared at the address, willing himself to just drive away.
“Thank you,” she smiled as she handed the driver his change and walked into the door of her apartment.
“Hi, sweetheart,” Scott said, standing from the sofa, and gently kissing her cheek. “Did you have a good time with your friend?”
Kelly nodded. “Yeah, we caught up. It was nice.”
“You want some wine? I just opened a bottle? I’ll get you a glass.” He turned towards the kitchen after Kelly nodded.
She took a breath as she looked around the room. This was her home. Spying the larger version of the picture in her wallet on the table, she picked it up and smiled. She had a good life, a happy life. The what if’s would drive her crazy if she let them. Gently she placed the picture back on the table. There was no point in thinking about what might have been.
She saw the lights as they reflected off the frame. Headlights? But who would be here at this hour? She carefully walked to the door and peered through the window. Joey’s car sat on the sidewalk.
He wasn’t sure why he’d come. It may have been to see the house…to see for himself that she was somewhere safe…somewhere happy, or he realized, it may have been because he simply couldn’t leave.
His breath caught when he saw the door open. Kelly stepped outside, glancing behind her.
“I need to get something from my car, sweetie,” she called out to Scott.
“Alright,” he called back.
She walked quickly over to the car. Joey stood, standing close to her…too close.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him.
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I was going to leave. I meant to leave, but somehow…someway..I ended up here. I think I needed to see that you were somewhere good. Somewhere safe.”
She glanced down at her feet, trying to keep it together. She’d convinced herself that she was happy, but the truth was that she was content. She was comfortable, but she wasn’t happy. She could never be happy…not without him. Not without the man that stood in front of her.
“You need to go,” she managed. “Scott is right inside. He’s getting me a glass of wine. He’s a good man, Joey. I can’t hurt him like this.”
Slowly he reached up to touch her face. She flinched, moving away from his hand. “Please,” she whispered.
“I’ll leave. I promise. Just answer me one thing, Kelly.” He looked at her with a passion she hadn’t seen in him before.
“What?” she whispered.
“Do you love him?” He grabbed her hand, holding it to his chest. “Do you love him like you loved me?”
“Joey,” she said softly.
“Tell me you love him..Tell me you love him like you loved me. Tell me he makes you feel like I did. Tell me that and I promise, I’ll leave. I’ll leave and I’ll wish you well and I’ll never bother you again.”
“I..” She stopped, looking back at the house. He husband, her daughter were there waiting for her. The life she’d made was here, but the man she’d loved for most of her life was standing outside of it…right in front of her.
“You can’t say it can you?” he asked, touching her face softly? “You can’t say it because it isn’t true. You don’t feel the same way for him that you did for me?”
“That I still do,” she whispered, feeling the tears rush down her face.
He stopped realizing what she’d said.
“What?” he asked. He needed to hear her say it again.
“I still love you,” she whispered. “God, Joey. Don’t you know that? I’ve never stopped loving you. This would be so much easier if I didn’t. If I didn’t care, if I could just tell you it was over and turn and walk away, it would all be so much easier.”
“But you do care,” he said, leaning in closer to her, his lips hovering just inches away from hers.
She pulled back a little. “I’ve made a choice,” she said quietly. “I made a commitment. I have a husband—a little girl—a family.”
“You don’t love him,” Joey protested.
“I care about him,” Kelly said through the tears. “He was here for me when you weren’t. He gave me a reason to smile when all I could do was think about everything I’d lost. He got me through some of the worst years of my life.”
“What are you saying?” Joey asked quietly. Everything sounded so final.
She stepped closer to him, placing her hand on his face and leaned in to softly kiss him.
He didn’t dare pull away, even if he didn’t completely understand. When she pulled back to look at him, he could see the tears in her eyes.
“What was that?” he asked her.
“That was goodbye,” she said softly as she turned and walked back into the house.
From the street he watched as she walked through her front door, into her home—into her life….and out of his. There was nothing left to say, nothing left he could do—he had to let her go. When he had watched her walk away all those years ago the was something in him that knew it wasn’t forever, but this..this time was different. This time felt final.
Taking one last look, he turned, got into his car and drove away.
Kelly sipped her wine as she laid her head on Scott’s shoulder. The headlights reflected in the window as Joey drove away. She closed her eyes to blink back the tears.
“You ok?” Scott asked, noting her expression.
“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just been a long day,” she smiled at him.
Scott pulled her closer to him, running his fingers through her hair.
“Today is over now. Tomorrow is a new day…We’ve got plenty of tomorrows to make up for days like today.” He pressed his lips to her forehead.
Kelly nodded sadly. “Right, focus on the future. Forget the past.”
The End
OLTL: Kelly/Joey
A/N: Lyrics from "What Might Have Been" by Little Texas
New York City
2018
Another quick flash of his press pass and he was back in the madness again. New York City was a far cry from Llanview, Pennsylvania and though he didn’t love the traffic, the noise, or the constant state of chaos, he had to admit there was an air of excitement everywhere you went.
As he looked around the crowded room, he saw some familiar faces. A few from sister newspapers, even some reporters from local television studios were here. Visits from politicians always drew the press and today was no exception. He made his way to the front, hoping to score some good photos. That was, after all, his whole purpose in being there. As he weaved his way through the crowd he heard a laugh.
It was a laugh he’d heard a million times and hearing it now, he realized how much he’d missed it. Turning around, he found himself staring at her across the room. She hadn’t seen him yet. That much he was sure of. She hadn’t changed much—the years had been kind to her. She still had the same sparkle in her eyes and the same way of lighting up a room with her laugh.
Joey made quick work of the crowd, inching his way towards her.
“Kelly,” he said softly as he stood behind her.
She stood for a moment, in stunned silence, her back still to the voice that sent chills through her. It was as if she’d literally stepped back in time. She hadn’t heard that voice in almost seven years. Whirling around, she found herself face to face with him.
“Joey,” she smiled, throwing her arms around him before she even realized it. “My God…What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same question,” he said with a smile that melted her heart.
“I’m here for work. I’m covering the event for the Post.” She couldn’t stop staring at him. It had been so long, and it was so good to see him.
“The Post, huh?” Joey shook his head in approval. He’d always known Kelly would do well for herself. Her tenacity and attitude made her impossible to ignore. “I’m impressed.”
“Don’t be,” she smiled. “Just a lowly reporter.”
He held up his camera bag…”Better than a lowly photographer,” he smiled.
Kelly giggled then. “So,” she muttered, suddenly feeling a little awkward, “How have you been? It’s been ages since I’ve seen you.”
“Yeah…almost what? Seven years now, right?” Joey swallowed hard. He knew exactly how long it had been since Kelly had walked out of his life and out of Llanview. He would remember the moment for the rest of his life. When he told her he was staying with Aubrey for Ryder’s sake, she’d told him she understood, but she also made it clear that she wouldn’t wait for him anymore. He didn’t blame her. He didn’t expect her to put her life on hold for him, but watching her walk away from him—and out of his life was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.
“Joey,” Kelly said, snapping his out of thoughts. “You still with me?”
“Yeah, sorry,” he smiled. “I’m just a little out of it. Crazy day here.”
Kelly nodded. She was just getting ready to speak again when a man approached the podium.
“I think they’re getting ready to start,” she said, turning to Joey. “I’d better get a seat.”
“How about we meet up for drinks later? You know…just to catch up.”
Kelly smiled, and quickly reached into her purse, handing him a card. “Call me,” she smiled and quickly walked away.
Joey nodded, feeling his heart beat faster. She wanted to talk. She agreed to meet him. Maybe he still had a chance. Maybe he had a chance to make up for all those years…for all those stupid missed opportunities. He glanced down at the card with a smile. Kelly Cramer Frasier was printed in clean even font followed by a cell number. His heart sank. So much for his chance.
Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
I've got a good life now, I moved on
So when you cross my mind
I try not to think about what might have been
'Cause that was then and we have taken different roads
We can't go back again there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know what might have been
She sat at the table checking the window every few minutes to see if he’d arrived.
“Love you too, sweetie. Sleep tight, sweet dreams.” She hesitated a minute. “Yeah. I shouldn’t be too late. I’m just meeting up with a friend from home.” She listened. “Yeah, He was at the conference. I haven’t seen him in years. We’re just catching up.”
Kelly smiled as she glanced out the window and saw Joey quickly making his way towards the door.
“Ok, sweetie. He’s here. I’ll be home soon. Love you too. Bye.” She quickly closed the phone and slid it into her purse, standing to greet Joey as he approached the table.
“You look great,” he smiled, leaning in to kiss her cheek softly.
“It’s the same thing I was wearing earlier.” Kelly smiled. He was still a charmer.
“I know. You looked great then too, I just didn’t have a chance to tell you.” He paused to take a breath. “Let’s sit. Have you ordered?”
She smiled. “They have this amazing strawberry xanga. Seriously…it is to die for. I can’t come here and not get one, and I don’t need to eat the entire thing by myself, so really..you can help me.”
“From what I remember, sharing a dessert with you can be hazardous to my health,” he smiled.
“Oh...you remember,” she said with a laugh.
Joey stared at her, the smile on her face drawing his attention and keeping it. “I remember everything,” he said softly.
Silence took over the table as the mood shifted to an uncomfortable awkwardness.
“So, Um…we never did really get a chance to talk much at the convention. You never told me what you’ve been up to since I left Llanview?” She looked at him, noting the sadness in his eyes.
“How’s Aubrey?” It came out harsh—more harsh that she intended, but the truth was it still hurt. No matter how much she loved Scott—no matter how much she adored their life together, the love they shared, the daughter they had…it still hurt knowing that Joey had let her walk away.
Her words had the intended effect. They stung. Joey blinked a little stunned at how quickly her tone had changed. “Aubrey’s gone. She’s been gone a long time. That was a mistake…a huge mistake. I should have never stayed with her. I should have never married her. It was just…it was all a huge mistake.”
He looked up at Kelly, trying to gauge her reaction. Did his words mean anything? Did the fact that he’d been hurt matter at all?
She nodded. “What happened?”
“She cut a deal with Ford and Cutter. The judge overturned the custody ruling and then it didn’t matter anymore. There wasn’t any reason for me to stay. I kicked her out of the house and it wasn’t long before she and Cutter were out of town…on to their next mark, I’m sure.”
Kelly looked into his eyes. He’d been hurt. So had she. It didn’t make it ok, but somehow knowing that he’d experienced somewhere near the pain she’d felt did make it better. She reached for his hand, recognizing that she was entering into dangerous territory. Gently she touched him as he looked up at her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry she hurt you. I know how it feels to be hurt by a person that you trusted…a person that you counted on.”
“I know. I know how much I hurt you Kelly. I don’t even know the words to tell you how sorry I am for that. There’s nothing I can say to express how much I regret what I did…how much I regret the time I’ve wasted…the years we’ve wasted. That’s part of the reason I wanted to see you tonight….I wanted to apologize to you. I need you to know that I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry.”
She shook her head, feeling tears sting at her eyes. It did mean something to hear those words from him. It meant even more to be able to see the sincerity in his eyes as she stared into them.
As she took a shaky breath she said, “You said that was part of the reason you wanted to see me tonight.”
He nodded.
“What’s the other part?”
“I wanted to see if we had a chance. I wanted to tell you that I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving you and I wanted to tell you that if you’d give me a chance…if you’d give us a chance, I’d do everything in my power to make it work this time. No matter what…I wouldn’t give up on us again.”
He stopped for a moment, staring at her.
“Can you do that, Kel? Can you give us another chance?”
We can sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past
So try not to think about what might have been
'Cause that was then and we have taken different roads
We can't go back again there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know what might have been
“Joey, I…” Kelly struggled to find the right words to say. She could see how serious he was, how much hope he had that she would be willing to step back in time—to give them another chance.
He reached out, taking her hand. “I know I was stupid. Believe me…not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought about you…about what you’re doing…about where you are. I called your phone once and the number wasn’t in service.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I changed providers.” After I got married, she thought. She had to tell him.
“Joey, I…” This was so much harder than it should be. She was happy, she thought. She loved Scott. She did. Why was this so difficult?
“Do you remember the times we had, Kel? How happy we were? We can have that again? We can. It might not be easy. We’ve got things to work out…I know that, but we can do it. I know we can. I know it because I love you too much to lose you again.”
“I can’t,” she managed, her voice chocking with tears.
“You’re scared,” he said, reaching for her hand again. “I get it. I hurt you and you have every reason to not trust me, but this time it will be different. This time I…”
She jerked her hand away from his and reached into her purse grabbing her wallet. She quickly opened it, flipping it to the picture in the front.
“I can’t,” she said again, pushing it towards him.
Joey stared at the picture. Kelly’s face beamed at him. The man beside her looked to be about her age, attractive, clearly professional. The little girl between them was three—maybe four. He looked up at her, his eyes full of questions that he wasn’t sure he wanted answers to.
“What is this?” he said quietly.
“This is my life now,” she said quickly wiping her hand across her cheek. She pointed to the man in the picture. “That’s Scott Frasier. He’s my husband. We’ll be married five years next month. That’s Lily, she’ll be four in July.”
Joey forced himself to smile. “She’s beautiful. She looks just like you.”
“She’s got Scott’s nose,” Kelly whispered, sweeping away another tear.
Joey sat still for a moment, staring at the photo. When he finally found himself about to speak, he realized he only had one question. There was only one thing he really needed to know.
“Are you happy?” he asked quietly.
Kelly felt the lump rising in her throat.
“Yeah,” she said softly. “I am. He loves me, Joey and I couldn’t ask for a better husband or father. He’s there for me and Lily.”
“And you love him,” Joey said, already knowing the answer.
Kelly looked into his eyes, the same eyes she stared into so many times.
“After I left Llanview, I didn’t know if I’d ever love anyone again. I loved you so much that I didn’t think I had any love left to give anyone, but when I met Scott something changed. He made me happy. He made me feel special and loved and wanted.” She paused as she saw how much her words were hurting him.
“He made you feel the way I used to,” Joey said softly.
Kelly nodded, taking his hand. “I love him, Joey. I do.”
He carefully reached into his coat, pulling money from the pocket and placing it on the table.
“I should go,” he said quietly. “I’m really glad things are working out for you, Kel. You deserve all good things.” He softly touched her shoulder and started to walk away.
“Let me walk you to your car,” she said softly as she stood and followed him to the door.
That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night, I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye and turn and walk away
And try not to think about what might have been
'Cause that was then and we have taken different roads
We can't go back again there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know what might have been
No, we'll never know what might have been
“You know what I miss,” Kelly said softly as she walked beside Joey.
“What?” he said looking at her with hope in his eyes.
“Seeing the stars,” she sighed. “The city lights make it impossible to see the stars. You remember when we used to sit outside at night and just look up at the stars?” She looked up at him as the stood by the bench.
Joey smiled. “Yeah, I remember. I taught you where all the constellations were one night.”
“You did,” she laughed. “I bet I can still pick out Orion,” she smiled.
“I’m glad I left you with some things to remember me by.” He forced himself to smile.
“Hey,” she said, reaching up to touch his arm. “Don’t think I don’t remember.” Her eyes filled with tears as his eyes locked with hers. “I remember every second of every moment we spent together. You gave me more joy than I ever had. You were my best friend, my first love, and my hero all rolled up in one. That never goes away.”
He nodded, softly touching her face. “Until now.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, as he pulled her closer to him, hugging her gently.
“It’s ok.” He quickly kissed her forehead. “Just do me a favor and promise me I don’t have to wait seven years to see you again, ok?”
She nodded, smiling at him. “That’s a promise.”
As he climbed into the car, he sighed. She was happy. He wished she could be happy with him, but at least he knew she was with someone who loved her and treated her right. He’d have to be ok with that. He carefully looked at the card, as it lay on the dash board. He’d felt silly earlier as he’d plugged the number into his phone. He was even more surprised when an address came up. She’d mentioned working for the Post, but she must also work from home, he realized. He stared at the address, willing himself to just drive away.
“Thank you,” she smiled as she handed the driver his change and walked into the door of her apartment.
“Hi, sweetheart,” Scott said, standing from the sofa, and gently kissing her cheek. “Did you have a good time with your friend?”
Kelly nodded. “Yeah, we caught up. It was nice.”
“You want some wine? I just opened a bottle? I’ll get you a glass.” He turned towards the kitchen after Kelly nodded.
She took a breath as she looked around the room. This was her home. Spying the larger version of the picture in her wallet on the table, she picked it up and smiled. She had a good life, a happy life. The what if’s would drive her crazy if she let them. Gently she placed the picture back on the table. There was no point in thinking about what might have been.
She saw the lights as they reflected off the frame. Headlights? But who would be here at this hour? She carefully walked to the door and peered through the window. Joey’s car sat on the sidewalk.
He wasn’t sure why he’d come. It may have been to see the house…to see for himself that she was somewhere safe…somewhere happy, or he realized, it may have been because he simply couldn’t leave.
His breath caught when he saw the door open. Kelly stepped outside, glancing behind her.
“I need to get something from my car, sweetie,” she called out to Scott.
“Alright,” he called back.
She walked quickly over to the car. Joey stood, standing close to her…too close.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him.
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I was going to leave. I meant to leave, but somehow…someway..I ended up here. I think I needed to see that you were somewhere good. Somewhere safe.”
She glanced down at her feet, trying to keep it together. She’d convinced herself that she was happy, but the truth was that she was content. She was comfortable, but she wasn’t happy. She could never be happy…not without him. Not without the man that stood in front of her.
“You need to go,” she managed. “Scott is right inside. He’s getting me a glass of wine. He’s a good man, Joey. I can’t hurt him like this.”
Slowly he reached up to touch her face. She flinched, moving away from his hand. “Please,” she whispered.
“I’ll leave. I promise. Just answer me one thing, Kelly.” He looked at her with a passion she hadn’t seen in him before.
“What?” she whispered.
“Do you love him?” He grabbed her hand, holding it to his chest. “Do you love him like you loved me?”
“Joey,” she said softly.
“Tell me you love him..Tell me you love him like you loved me. Tell me he makes you feel like I did. Tell me that and I promise, I’ll leave. I’ll leave and I’ll wish you well and I’ll never bother you again.”
“I..” She stopped, looking back at the house. He husband, her daughter were there waiting for her. The life she’d made was here, but the man she’d loved for most of her life was standing outside of it…right in front of her.
“You can’t say it can you?” he asked, touching her face softly? “You can’t say it because it isn’t true. You don’t feel the same way for him that you did for me?”
“That I still do,” she whispered, feeling the tears rush down her face.
He stopped realizing what she’d said.
“What?” he asked. He needed to hear her say it again.
“I still love you,” she whispered. “God, Joey. Don’t you know that? I’ve never stopped loving you. This would be so much easier if I didn’t. If I didn’t care, if I could just tell you it was over and turn and walk away, it would all be so much easier.”
“But you do care,” he said, leaning in closer to her, his lips hovering just inches away from hers.
She pulled back a little. “I’ve made a choice,” she said quietly. “I made a commitment. I have a husband—a little girl—a family.”
“You don’t love him,” Joey protested.
“I care about him,” Kelly said through the tears. “He was here for me when you weren’t. He gave me a reason to smile when all I could do was think about everything I’d lost. He got me through some of the worst years of my life.”
“What are you saying?” Joey asked quietly. Everything sounded so final.
She stepped closer to him, placing her hand on his face and leaned in to softly kiss him.
He didn’t dare pull away, even if he didn’t completely understand. When she pulled back to look at him, he could see the tears in her eyes.
“What was that?” he asked her.
“That was goodbye,” she said softly as she turned and walked back into the house.
From the street he watched as she walked through her front door, into her home—into her life….and out of his. There was nothing left to say, nothing left he could do—he had to let her go. When he had watched her walk away all those years ago the was something in him that knew it wasn’t forever, but this..this time was different. This time felt final.
Taking one last look, he turned, got into his car and drove away.
Kelly sipped her wine as she laid her head on Scott’s shoulder. The headlights reflected in the window as Joey drove away. She closed her eyes to blink back the tears.
“You ok?” Scott asked, noting her expression.
“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just been a long day,” she smiled at him.
Scott pulled her closer to him, running his fingers through her hair.
“Today is over now. Tomorrow is a new day…We’ve got plenty of tomorrows to make up for days like today.” He pressed his lips to her forehead.
Kelly nodded sadly. “Right, focus on the future. Forget the past.”
The End