Another Year Has Gone By

[lynnlee22]

Another Year Has Gone By
OLTL (Joey/Kelly)


*August*


“We can’t keep doing this.” She’d forced herself to speak finally, after enjoying the blissful silence for far longer than she should have. It was easy to ignore everything else when she was in his arms, to believe they could shut out the world and just be…but it wasn’t that easy—it never had been. That had always been their problem.

Joey sighed, feeling the tension returning to her body as he wrapped his arms slightly tighter around her waist. Logically, he knew she was right, but foolishly he’d hoped she would have waited a while longer to come to this inevitable conclusion.

“I know,” he said softly. He looked at her as she turned to face him. “This was…”

Kelly nodded. “It was perfect. It was everything I wanted it to be, but it’s not reality, Joey. It’s not the real world. Living in this room, shut away from everyone and everything…that’s not real life. We can’t stay in bed forever.”

“We could give it a try,” he said, smiling at her and kissing her neck, only half joking.

“Joey,” she groaned, forcing herself to pull away. “This isn’t easy…believe me. I wish it could be different, but…”

“But it can’t, can it?” Looking at her now, he tried to understand. He’d been as honest as he knew how and yet she still couldn’t let it go. The mistakes he’d made were too big this time. He’d lost her this time—for good.

“You know I’ll always love you,” he said softly, touching her hair and feeling his throat tighten as he said the words.

Kelly nodded, unsure if her own voice would cooperate.

“Me too,” she managed. “I should go.” She stood, grabbing her robe off the chair and wrapping it around herself as she walked away quickly.

Joey lay back as he watched her leave the room. A cold chill swept through the room as if the warmth left right along with her. He glanced out the window, noticing the rays of the setting sun as the filtered in through the curtains. No more long, summer days—which meant longer nights…

“Just what I need,” he groaned.

*September*


“Wait for me.” Joey quickened his steps to keep up with Bree. Jessica had suggesting this, insinuating that he had to get out of his funk and, he assumed, figuring spending some time with Bree would help take his mind off of Kelly.

“Ok,” Bree said, turning around her eyes wide with excitement. “See how big it is.”

“I see that.” As he scanned the different booths, he felt the familiar ache return. It wasn’t anything new. So many things reminded him of her—of them, but moments like this were so vivid.

Ryder hadn’t stopped talking about the back to school carnival since Jessica had told him about it a few weeks ago. Joey had agreed to take him, but now, looking around at the booths and the decorations—he wished he were at home.

“Uncle Joey,” Ryder said, tugging on his shirt. “Can we get some popcorn?”

“Uh, yeah,” Joey said, shaking his head to get rid of the memories that plagued him. Reaching into his pocket, he handed her a few bills. “Walk right over there. Stay where I can see you.”

He watched her scamper off towards the brightly colored cart and sighed. It had been a night much like this. Bales of hay were scattered around, booths were up with various carnival games, and she was there…with him…talking to him, laughing with him, kissing him.

He’d remember that kiss for the rest of his life. It wasn’t their first, but it was the first one that really made him think. Before Kelly had been a friend, an attractive friend for sure, but a friend. That night as he’d held her and pressed his lips to hers, he’d allowed himself to think about what it could be like to be with her in another way.

And now he knew. He knew exactly what it was like. It was incredible. Being with Kelly was everything he’d ever wanted. She needed him. He was her world and she was his. And now she was gone.

“Hi Joey,” a voice called from behind him.

Joey turned around in the direction of the voice. Bree was standing in front of him, still waiting in the ridiculously long popcorn line.

“Sam,” Joey said, picking up the boy and swinging him in his arms. “What are you doing here? Where’s your Mom?”

“She couldn’t come,” he said, biting a chunk off the cotton candy swirl that teetered on its base. “Daddy was gonna bring me, but then he got a call and had to go to work.”

“Oh,” Joey nodded. Todd and Blair were ensconced in their own drama lately. It made sense they wouldn’t exactly have time to bring Sam to the back to school carnival. “So, who brought you here?”

“I did,” Kelly said, as she walked up behind Sam, grabbing his shoulder and turning him around. “We talked about you running up ahead of me, Sam. You’ve got to stay with me.”

“Sorry,” Sam responded sheepishly.

“It’s ok.” Kelly looked over at Joey narrowing her eyes. “What?”

“Nothing,” he smiled, looking her up and down. She wore an a-line black skirt and a button up silk shirt with heels that were at least three inches high. “It’s just…you’re a little…overdressed.”

“Very funny,” she snarled smiling a bit as she balanced her weight on one foot as she reached over to shake her other shoe out after removing it from her foot. “Blair called me as I was leaving the office. It was kind of last minute.”

“Ah,” he said softly. “Well, uh…I’m here with Bree. Maybe you two could hang out with us. It would give the kids someone to ride rides with and you wouldn’t have to walk all around the park looking for entertainment for Sam.”

She hesitated. “I don’t know…I mean,” She looked up at him and glanced around the area.

“Come on, Kel.” He stepped closer to her. “I don’t see a kissing booth anywhere in sight. I think you’re safe this time.”

Kelly smiled. He remembered. “Ok,” she said softly as she handed Sam money to go join Bree in the popcorn line.

“They’ve done a good job this year,” she remarked. “It’s not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.”

“No, it’s not,” he said, staring into her eyes. “It’s definitely taken a turn for the better.”

“October”


Nights like this were the worst. Holidays, of any sort, were always fun with Joey. A kid at heart, he could always make her laugh and nights like this were the times she missed that the most. A knock at the door forced her to her feet.

She grabbed the candy bucket and shuffled to the door, opening it and shuddering slightly at the crisp October air as it rushed in.

“Trick or Treat,” the chorus of voices chanted.

“Wow. You guys look great.” She forced a smile and doled candy into each bag. If Joey had been here, the door would have been decorated in fake spider webs, a spooky soundtrack would have been blaring from the dark hallway behind her, and they would have, no doubt, been decked out in some extravagant pair of costumes to greet visitors in. Instead it was just her in jeans and a sweater, trying to make it through the evening.

Sighing, she watched as the group made their way back down the driveway. The wind chilled her again and placed the candy dish down on the table, crossing her arms across her chest in an effort to keep warm.

Her mind flashed back to another fall night—just like this one. Only that night, Joey’s arms had kept her warm. They’d been on the rooftop of the Palace—their special place. He’d taken her there to look at the stars and they’d ended up staying there for hours. Somehow, when she was with him, she could totally lose track of time. That happened a lot. Now, the minutes seemed to creep by, as if every second without him was an eternity.
Another brisk breeze forced her back inside the room. Shutting the door behind her, she headed back into the living room. There was no point rehashing this in her mind. She’d gone over and over it far too many times already. It was over. What they had was finished. Magic like that only happened once. No matter how much she might have wanted it to return…it just wasn’t the same anymore.

She had tried to move on. She’d even dated a few times, but the memories haunted her still. They had started in her dreams and now they invaded even her waking moments. Joey had been so much a part of her life that it was difficult to imagine the concept of building a life without him, but she had to.

Another knock on the door echoed through the empty hall. Heading back to the door, she sighed. She glanced at her watch. It was early yet and still she was tempted to turn off the porch light and retreat to the bedroom. At least there she didn’t have to pretend.

“Happy Halloween,” she said, plastering on her best happy face as the door opened.

“Alright, what do you say?” Joey held Ryder’s hand tightly. Ryder blinked and thrust the orange pumpkin towards Kelly.

“Candy,” he said, with a toothy grin.

“I guess that’s close enough.” Joey picked him up, pulling the hood back over his ears. “It’s chilly out here tonight. I wanted to take him to a few more houses, but with this wind…I don’t think we’re going to.”

“Why don’t you come in for a bit,” Kelly stammered, stepping back to give him room. “I mean…if you want. You don’t have to…I just meant…” She stopped then to take a breath. It never used to be this hard for them. Joey was so easy to talk to and now just being next to him causing her to have heart palpitations.

“Yeah…Yeah..That’d be good.”

“I’ve got some hot chocolate if you want some,” Kelly offered. “And I’ve got some juice or milk…whatever he likes.”

“Juice,” Ryder replied, more concerned with the contents of his candy haul than anything else.

“Coming right up,” she said with a smile, turning quickly and heading out of the room.

Joey took a seat on the couch, pulling Ryder up beside him.

~

Joey glanced over at Ryder, his eyes drooping as he leaned back against the cushions of the couch.

“You uh…You never told me how you ended up being the Trick or Treat chaperone,” Kelly said quietly, watching as Joey carefully moved the pillows on the couch so Ryder could lay back.

“Oh, that. Jess was planning on taking him, but she’s got that stomach bug that’s been going around. Apparently Bree came home from school with it on Friday and now she and Brody have it. It’s pretty nasty.”

Kelly furrowed her brow. “Poor thing. I hate that she missed Halloween with the kids. Are you taking Ryder back over there tonight?”

“No. I’m keeping him tonight. She doesn’t want him to get it and we figured the best way to keep that from happening was to keep him away from them as much as possible.” He glanced over at him again. “Actually, I should probably get going. He looks like he’s almost out.”

“You know, you could stay here.”

Joey’s head snapped to attention. “Stay here…with you?”

“I just…I just meant. I mean, Ryder’s already asleep. It would be a shame to take him out again in the wind and everything. Starr still has Hope’s toddler bed set up in the guest room. He’d been fine in there.”

He nodded. “Yeah…Actually. That’s not a bad idea. If you’re sure it’s ok.”

“Sure. I’m sure. I mean, it’s not like we can’t spend a night together, right? We’re still friends, right?”

“Yeah…right…of course.” He let out a quick puff of air.

Kelly stood quickly. “I’ll go get the room ready for him,” she said making quick work of the stairs.

Joey looked over at Ryder, who still slept peacefully on the couch.
“This might be a Happy Halloween after all,” he whispered with a smile.

~

“I cannot believe I let you talk me into that.” She glanced behind her as he stood there with a smile.

“Oh, come on. It wasn’t that bad. I thought you said you liked the movie.”

“I did, but you said it wasn’t really scary…and it was….I’m totally going to have nightmares now.” She slapped him playfully as she flipped off the last light.

“How was I supposed to know you were such a wimp when it came to horror movies?” he smiled, mocking her. Covering his eyes with his hands, he barely spread his fingers. “Besides, how much could you see of it like this?”

“Too much, I’ll have you know,” she growled. “Now, you expect me to go into that dark bedroom all alone and sleep.” She sighed and smiled at him. “The second I close my eyes I’m going to see those faces. I’ll be lucky if I get a minute of sleep.”

“Do you want me to check under the bed? I can check the closet too. Some of those monsters are very sneaky,” he teased.

“I’m not kidding, Joey. I will seriously have nightmares. When I was a kid, I watched a movie like that once. I ended up sleeping with my Mom for a week,” she laughed.

She glanced up when she didn’t hear laughter in return. His serious expression caused her to grow silent.

“If you wake up scared,” he whispered, reaching out slowly to touch her face, “I’m right down the hall.”

“I’m already scared,” she whispered back.

“Maybe you should just stay in here with me…just until you know…just until you forget about the movie,” he smiled.

“What if I don’t forget about the movie?” she smiled back.

“Then I’d say my plan worked.”
She gasped in mock horror.

“Joey Buchanan, did you frighten me with a horror movie for the express purpose of getting me into your bed?” She moved closer to him, relishing in the sensation of his arms as they wrapped around her.

“That depends,” he whispered, moving his lips close to her ear, “Is it working?”

He smiled and followed her as she stepped into the bedroom.

November

“We should probably be feeling guilty about this, but I can’t. This is so wonderful.” Kelly leaned back, enjoying the simple feeling of his arms around her as the crisp breeze rustled through the leaves above them.

“Why should we feel guilty?” Joey asked, bending his head slightly to look at her. “We deserve this. After everything we’ve been through to get here…this is exactly what we should be doing—just taking some time to sit and be still and be thankful for everything we have, for this time together…for each other.”

“You don’t think your Mom will be upset that we’re missing Thanksgiving?” The picnic had been such a tempting offer that it wasn’t until they were here that she considered what they were missing. Holidays were a big deal in the Buchanan family and Joey was missing an important one with his family.

“She’ll be fine.” He kissed her cheek softly. “Besides, I told her we’d stop by tonight and have some leftovers. That made her happy. She understands. This is our first Thanksgiving together in years…it should be special.”

“It has been,” she whispered. “I can’t believe you actually bought and packed an entire Thanksgiving dinner.”

“Of course I did,” he smiled.

“I’m sorry about that again, by the way.” She snuggled up against him, pulling the blanket closer to them.

Joey smiled at her. “It’s not a big deal. This turned out great. It was exactly what we needed and it gave me the perfect excuse to spend some time alone with you.”

“I know,” she sighed, “but we were going to spend the day with your family if I hadn’t ruined,” she grumbled, pretending to pout a bit.

“You didn’t ruin it. You just had a little incident.” He turned his head away from her so she wouldn’t see the smile that threatened to spread across his face.

~

The crash had been his first indication that things were not going well. The series of four letter expletives had been the second, and the smoke alarm had been the final and concluding clue that they would not be contributing anything to the Buchanan family Thanksgiving dinner this year.

When she’d come out of the kitchen, holding what remained of the pumpkin pie, he’d tried hard not to laugh, but seeing her face covered in dried eggwhites and flour sent him over the edge.

“It probably tastes fine,” he’d smiled as he placed a forkful in his mouth.

“Really?” She’d watched him hopefully as he chewed exactly twice and swallowed quickly.

“It’s..” He stopped, reaching for a bottle of water from the fridge, “It’s too hot for me to really taste right now.”

“It’s terrible, isn’t it?” She’d allowed him to gather her in his arms as she dissolved into a mixture of sobs and giggles over the pathetic excuse for a pie that sat on the table.

She pulled away and turned towards it. “Maybe if we put some whip cream on it?”

Joey shook his head as he kissed her forehead. “There are some things even whip cream can’t fix.”

~

“It wasn’t that funny,” she said, pinching him as he sat there with a huge smile on his face. “Stop laughing at me.”

“Sorry.” He straightened and kissed her again. “I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing with you.”

“I’m not laughing, Joey.” She turned away, pretending to be offended.

He sighed, scooting over on the blanket to lean closer to her, “Awww, come on….I’ve got something that will make you smile.”

She giggled, tapping at his watch. “Uh, Joey….we’ve got to leave for your Mom’s in about thirty minutes. I’m not really sure that’s enough time to….” She stopped as she saw the box he held in his hands.

“What’s that,” she asked, a smile stretching across her face.

“Why don’t you open it and find out?” he said, handing her the box and sitting back.

She tore at the paper, tossing it aside as she opened the lid to reveal the watch that lay inside. “Joey, it’s beautiful,” she said, turning around and kissing him quickly.

“I was trying to think of something that made sense. You know being that it’s Thanksgiving and all….and I thought about everything that I was thankful for….and…”

“Time,” Kelly said quietly. “You’re thankful for time.”

“Well, yeah, but there’s more than that….turn it around..”

She carefully turned the watch over, holding it up to the light to see the small date engraved in the back. “It’s got a date on it,” she said quietly.

“Yeah, it does,” he said with a smile.

“My birthday,” she said quietly.

“Right.” He watched her for a moment before speaking again. “That,” he said, as he carefully placed the watch on her arm, “is what I’m most thankful for.”


*December*


Joey looked over at her, waiting for a response. She’d been standing there staring at it since they’d walked through the door.

“Well, what do you think?” he asked, smiling broadly at her.

“I thought you finally understood,” she said, fighting to keep a straight face.

“Understood what?”

“How many times do I have to tell you that size doesn’t matter?” she managed, her face breaking into a smile as a giggle escaped her lips.

He grabbed her, pulling her closer to him.

“Very funny,” he laughed. “No,” he looked back at the tree, its tip nearly touching the ceiling. “I’m serious…what do you think?”

“It’s a beautiful tree, but it’s seriously huge sweetie.” Kelly started up at the tree, wondering how in the world they were going to tackle the decorations.

“I know it’s big, but this is our first Christmas in our own house and I just wanted us to have a great big tree.”

She couldn’t help but smile. The last few months they’d been together had been nothing short of magical. Making up for lost moments, making new memories, and now moving in together and buying their very own house…it all seemed like the perfect way to spend Christmas.

“Let’s get this thing lit up,” she said, grabbing a strand of lights from the box and handing Joey an end. “We’ve got a long night ahead of us.”

He kissed her quickly and started wrapping the lights around the branches.

~

“When I wake up tomorrow, and I can’t lift my arms, remind me of this moment,” Kelly groaned, collapsing on to the sofa. She glanced down at her watch. “Three hours…Can you believe it? It literally took us three hours to decorate a tree.”

“Not just a tree.” Joey flopped down beside her. “The most beautiful tree in all of Llanview..and perhaps the biggest.”

“It has to be the biggest,” she smiled.

“We should see how it looks from outside.” He stood up, holding out his hand and motioning for her to stand up and go with him.

“Joey, I hurt. Everything on my hurts. My eyeballs hurt from staring up at the top of that tree. I just want to go upstairs, run a hot bath, and soak in it for hours.” She looked up at him. “You can join me if you want,” she smiled.

“As tempting as that sounds, this will just take a minute and then I will personally run you a hot bath and carry you to it,” he whispered as he helped her up. “Everyone that drives by is going to see this view from the road. We need to make sure its spectacular.”

“Ok..Ok…Let me get my jacket,” she whimpered.

“This will only take a second.” He pulled her out the door, shutting it behind her and shivering a little as the brisk air sent a chill through him. Standing out in front of the window, he stared at the tree’s lights as the glistened in the moonlight.

Kelly couldn’t help but smile. It was absolutely beautiful.

“Well?” he said, looking down at her with a knowing smile.
“You’re right,” she admitted. “It’s amazing….absolutely beautiful.”

“So are you,” he whispered, kissing her softly, before pulling her closer to him and rubbing her arms in an attempt to warm her. “Now…about that bath…”

She smiled up at him as they walked back towards the door.

“What are you waiting on?” She stood still, waiting for Joey to open the door.

Joey just stood there, silently.

“Joey,” Kelly repeated. “It’s freezing out here.”

“I don’t have the key,” he said, his voice so low she almost didn’t hear him.

“You what?” She leaned closer to him, hoping against hope that she’d misunderstood. “Please tell me that you did not just say what it sounded like you said because it sounded like you said that you didn’t have the key.”

“Sorry,” he said, smiling sheepishly.

“Joey,” she wailed, rubbing her hands together. “It is freezing out here! What are we going to do? We’ll die!”

“We won’t die,” he said, pulling her in closer to him. “Mom is stopping by with those presents for Kevin and Zane. She’ll be here any minute. For right now, he rubbed her arms and kissed her cheek, “just pretend that we’re sitting by the pool like we used to.”

She closed her eyes…trying to remember what being warm felt like. Sure they’d only been out here for a few minutes, but this December had been brutal and the news was predicting nearly a foot of new snowfall within the next thirty six hours.

“You remember that?” he asked her. “You remember that time at Dorian’s book signing. We snuck out of the party and went skinny dipping in the pool?”

Kelly nodding, smiling in spite of the shivers. “Jessica and Christian couldn’t look at us in the eye for days,” she giggled.

“Yeah.” Joey smiled as he saw the lights of his mother’s car turning into the driveway.

“Thank God,” Kelly whispered.

“Hello, sweetheart,” Vicki smiled, pulling Joey into a warm hug and greeting Kelly warmly as well. She pulled back, taking note of their strange attire.

“What on earth are you two doing out here without any coats? Are you trying to catch your death?” She glanced down at Kelly who wore a thin, long sleeve shirt and jeans—not at all appropriate for this December weather.

“It’s a long story, Mom, “Joey began. “The short version is that we’re locked out. You did bring your spare key, didn’t you?” He looked at her hopefully.

“Yes, I have my key, sweetheart,” she said, reaching into her purse and retrieving it quickly. “You two haven’t been out here for long have you?

“No,” Kelly said quickly. “Just a little bit.” She looked up at Joey, trying to signal to him with her eyes.

“Let’s get you in there and get you warmed up, “ he said quickly, picking up on the edge in her tone, but not quite understanding what she was trying to say. He stood helping her to her feet as Vicki moved back to the car to gather the bags of presents.

“I wasn’t talking about being cold,” she whispered, leaning in close to his ear. “All that talk about skinny dipping just got me thinking….I mean..we don’t have a pool, but that’s a pretty nice soaking tub upstairs.”

“I like the way you think,” he smiled as Vikki unlocked the door.


*January*

11:50…and still there was no sign of her. Where could she be? Joey scanned the crowded room. Face after face smiled back at him, but none of them were hers. She should have been here nearly an hour ago, he thought as he paced the length of the bar nervously. Glancing out the window, he watched the rain falling. Heavy sheets beat against the sheets of glass and the sounds of the happy laughter inside barely camouflaged the sounds of the deluge outside.
The sounds of his cell phone ringing made him glance up in grateful thanks.

“Thank God,” he muttered, glancing down at the screen, his face immediately falling as he saw the name.

“Hey, Kev,” he replied, attempting not to sound as disappointed as he was.

“Joe,” Kevin replied, picking up on the less than jovial tone that rang out from the other end of the phone. “Listen, I just wanted to call and wish you and Kelly a Happy New Year..and apologize again for not making it home for the holidays. I’ll be there next year….that’s a promise.”

“It’s ok,” he sighed. “Besides, it’s Mom you need to convince….not me.” He glanced back towards the doors again, only half paying attention to his brother’s words.

“Joe…Joe, are you listening to me?”

“Huh?”

“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said tonight.” Kevin had known something was wrong from the moment he’d heard his voice. There was definitely something off. “Is everything ok there? Is Mom ok? Is it Jess? Has something happened?” He felt the tension rising in his body.

“No..No..It’s nothing like that,” Joey quickly explained. “It’s just…” He paused, sighing deeply. This was an interesting situation to say the least. Usually he’d be quick to confide in his brother about anything, but this time…about this….

The hesitation told him everything he needed to know. “Is this about Kelly?” he asked, sitting down on the couch. He knew they’d gotten through the issues with Kelly years ago, but every once in a while there was something that would happen between them….something that would prove that although Joey had forgiven them…both of them…he’d never, ever forget it.

“I just….She’s not here,” he admitted. “She was supposed to meet me here a while ago and she’s not here. The weather is really nasty out here and I’m worried about her. She hasn’t called and I just can’t imagine she’d not show without a reason. I mean not after…” He let his voice trail off.

Kevin lowered his head. “Not after the last time she stood you up on New Year’s Eve,” he sighed.

“Look, Kevin…I don’t want to get into this again. All that stuff happened a million years ago. I’m over it…we’re all over it. This has nothing to do with that. I’m worried about her. I just wish I knew where she was and what was going on. That’s all.”

~

“You have got to be kidding me!” Kelly screamed out in frustration as she pulled her heel from another clump of mud. “Really?” She looked up at the sky. “Of all nights? New Years Eve? This has to happen on New Years Eve?”

She pulled her cell phone from her purse and groaned—still no signal. As she moved towards the tree in an attempt to get some shelter from the pouring rain, she heard a small beep. Glancing down at the phone again, one small bar appeared.

“Oh,” she shrieked happily. “Thank you,” she squealed, glancing up towards now clearing sky, “Sorry I screamed at you.” She quickly dialed Joey’s number as she held the phone to her ear.

~

11:55

“Champagne?” the waitress asked, holding the tray towards Joey.

“Sure,” he said, taking a glass and forcing a smile. The sound of his cell made him grimace. He knew his brother was just trying to be supporting but tonight, he couldn’t handle it—not tonight…

“Listen,” he said, speaking into the phone without hesitation.

“Joey.” Kelly let out a relieved sigh as she leaned back against the tree. “Thank God you answered. I was so afraid you wouldn’t hear the phone.”

“Kelly?” He quickly moved out of the crowded room towards the access stairs to hear her better. “My God, Kelly,” he sighed. “I was so worried about you. Are you ok? Where are you?”

“I’m fine,” she explained, feeling terrible about worrying him. “I’ve got a flat tire and I’m stuck on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere and I didn’t have a signal on my cell so I couldn’t call you and I couldn’t call for help.” All the frustration that had been building all night seemed to come out in one sentence as the tears flowed freely down her face. “I’m just so sorry I missed New Years Eve, Joey. I wanted to be there with you so much. I wanted to start this year off the right way.”

Joey smiled as he stepped out onto the roof. “It’s ok,” he whispered. “Are you outside?”

“What?” she asked, totally confused.

“Are you outside?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I been walking around trying to find somewhere that I could get some sort of signal so I could call you and let you know where I was…why I wasn’t there with you.”

“Look up,” he said simply.

“Joey, I….” she began.

“Just look up,” he said softly, staring up at the now clear sky and the moon and stars that shone brightly. “Do you see it?”

“See what?”

“Your star.”

She smiled, remembering the moment. “Yeah,” she whispered. “Yeah, I see it.”

“See,” he said, hearing the countdown beginning inside. “We are starting the New Year off right. We’re both staring at the same sky, the same moon, the same star that I bought for you all those years ago. And even though we’re not together tonight…we’ve got every other night of the year.”

She nodded. “You’re right. I love you so much. Happy New Year.”

“I love you too,” he whispered, “Happy New Year.”


*February*


“Kelly!” Joey knocked on the door again, glancing down at his watch. Their dinner reservations were in fifteen minutes and on Valentine’s Day, if you were late, there were about twenty couples lined up ready to take your table.

He sighed pulling out his cell phone and punching in the numbers. Just before he dialed the last number, the door opened. Dorian stood before him, clearly just before heading out for a night on the town herself.

“Hi Dorian,” Joey said, craning his head behind her looking for Kelly. “Do you have any idea where Kelly is? We’re going to be late for dinner.”

“Oh, yes…She’s…Well, she’s almost ready. She has some issues this evening.” Dorian glanced up hesitantly towards the stairs.

David appeared behind her. He leaned in towards Joey. “When she asks you how she looks, just go with it,” he whispered, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “It’s makeup, not a miracle.”

Dorian shot a look back at him. “We should be going now,” she chirped, smiling back at Joey as she grabbed David’s arm and lead him out the door.

“Remember what I said,” David called out as he pulled the door shut.

Joey stood, glancing up the stairway. “Kelly,” he called out again, heading up the stairs.

Kelly froze as she heard footsteps coming towards the door. “Joey, no don’t come in,” she screeched, throwing herself in front of the bathroom door to block him from entering. She held the mirror up to her face. It was no use. There was no fix. She looked horrible.

Surrendering, she opened the door.

“Wow,” Joey sighed, looking at the dress as she stood before him, moving his eyes from the floor up. “You look…” He stopped as he reached her face. Her skin was flushed, but not in the normal sun kissed way. Her eyes were swollen and nose was raw and red. “Sick,” he finished.

“I am sick,” she said woefully, as she shuffled back into her bedroom. “I feel horrible. I tried to get ready and pretend I was fine. I know you made those reservations and you had everything planned, but I look horrible and I feel horrible…”

She stopped as she heard him giggle a little. “Baby, what’s this?” he asked, gesturing to the cucumber on her bedside table.

“David,” she sighed. “He swears by these cucumber slices to reduce the swelling.” She looked back at Joey. “What’s sad is that I actually think it helped.”

“Wow,” Joey whispered.

“Hey,” she said, jabbing her knuckles into her side. “I already feel bad enough. You don’t have to confirm the fact that I look like seven years of bad luck.”

“Aww, come on…You don’t look bad. You’re just sick,” he said, kissing the top of her head lightly.

“I picked a really lousy night to get sick though, didn’t I?” She looked up at him, her eyes still red and watery. “I’m really sorry I ruined your night.”

“You didn’t,” he reassured her. “I get to spend all night with you…that in itself makes it a really great night,” he smiled. His smile grew wider as a thought occurred to him. “What do you say I go out and pick up some food and a movie and we lie in bed and eat and watch movies like we used to do?”

“That sounds perfect,” she whispered.

~

“Kelly,” Joey said softly, gently shaking her shoulder. “Hey, I’m back.”

“Joey.” She smiled as she sat up, glancing at the clock by the bed. “I’m sorry. I tried really hard to stay awake, but you were gone so long…Where were you? I was getting worried.”
“Sorry.” He sat down on the bed, picking up the bag he’d sat on the floor. “I just had to go a few places to find what I was looking for.”

Kelly’s eyes shot to the bag. “What were you looking for? What do you have in there?”

“Well, the real present will have to wait until later…until you’re feeling better. This is just a little get well gift….something to make you smile,” he said, pulling out the large stuffed monkey and sitting it beside her on the bed.

“Oh my God,” Kelly gasped. “Where did you find that? That’s just like the one that you brought me before.”

“I know,” he smiled. “I knew when I left that I wanted to find one, but I was just about to give up after the fourth department store. Apparently monkeys aren’t the in thing anymore.”

“They are to me,” she smiled, holding the animal close to her. “I remember everything about the night you gave me the first one. It was the first night that you told me how you felt. You made all my dreams come true.”

“Well,” he whispered, leaning back against the bed, and allowing her head to rest on his chest, “I have to tell you something. You made my dreams come true too, but right here…right now….our life together is better than any dream I’ve ever had.”



Sick on Valentine’s Day…brings her flowers and chicken soup…tells her about dreams he had when he was younger…rooftop dream…how now the reality is better than any dream…



*March*


He wiped away the wax that had fallen on the table. Glancing at the clock on the wall, he had to smile. Kelly had a thing for being fashionably late. Luckily, he thought, the most important part of this romantic dinner would keep. He reached into his pocket taking a deep breath as his fingers touched and removed the velvet box.

Asking Kelly to marry him was something he'd been thinking about for months, but it wasn't until he bought the ring and held it in his hands that it actually felt real. They were getting a second chance at happiness and he had never felt so lucky. Sitting down on the couch, he flipped on the tv set. At least this would stop him from rehearsing the proposal for the seventy fifth time.

The familiar tunes of the evening news filled the room. Resolving to save the champagne for later, he stepped into the kitchen to grab a cold beer.

"We're bringing you breaking news this evening. Details are still sketchy but crews on the scene tell us that rescue and fire personnel are still working to contain the fire at the offices of the Sun Newspaper. Initial reports indicate that authorities are unsure how many individuals may be trapped inside. We will keep you updated as details come in.”

Joey stared at the announcer for a moment, trying to process what she’d just said. How was she so calm? The bottle fell from his hands with a thud as he grabbed his jacket and ran out the door.

~

He’d seen this scene a million times as a photographer for the Banner. He’d been in the middle of the action, snapping pictures of the rubble, taking quotes from the bystanders, screaming questions at the paramedics and firefighters as they walked by, but tonight….none of it mattered..nothing mattered…only Kelly.

“Excuse me,” Joey called out, trying to stop a paramedic who rushed towards the scene.

“I’m sorry sir. I’m gonna need you to stand behind the line,” he said, pushing Joey back.

“But,” Joey said, feeling utterly helpless, “My…My girlfriend..she could be…she might be in there…”

He looked around, desperate to see someone, anyone that could help him. He saw Blair, standing in the distance, with Todd by her side.

“Todd,” he called, rushing over to him. The day he’d need Todd Manning’s help was one he’d hope he’d never see, but yet here it was.

“What do you want?” Todd groaned, using a wet towel to wipe the dirt from his face.

“Kelly,” Joey began immediately, not caring about what Todd thought of him, not caring about Todd at all, really. “Was Kelly here tonight? Is she in there?” His heart was beating so hard, he’d swear everyone around him should be able to hear it.


Blair looked over at Todd, her eyes widening. “Todd, is Kelly in there? Was she there tonight?

“I saw her earlier,” Todd answered, still wiping his face. He looked at Joey, actually feeling some sympathy for his situation. “If I knew where she was, I’d tell you, but I don’t. I really don’t.”

Blair’s eyes met Joey as they both looked toward the building which was now completely engulfed in flames. Their thoughts were the same. No one in that building was coming out alive.

~

“Joey,” Kelly called out, walking into the room and immediately removing her shoes. It had been a hellish day, filled with long meetings and longer phone calls. All day long she’d looked forward to coming home to what Joey had promised would be a night she’d never forget, and here she was—and he wasn’t here.

She looked around the room, expecting a note, but there was nothing—no indication of where he’d gone. The candles on the table were lit and burning nearly to their ends. Soft music played in the background. Everything seemed to be in place for a perfectly wonderful romantic night. Everything except Joey.

“Where could he be?” she wondered aloud.

~

“Sir, we’re clearing the scene,” the police officer said again, pushing him back.

“I told you I’m not leaving!” Joey pushed past her, trying again to reach the building. Two more armed officers stopped him and pushed him back behind the tape.

“Joey.”

Joey turned around, relieved to see Bo’s face behind him. “Uncle Bo. They can’t tell me anything. She’s not out here…What if she’s in there? I’ve got to get to her. I’ve got to help her. I can’t just leave her in there!”

Bo shook his head, putting his hand on his shoulder. “Joey,” he said softly. “Nobody can go in there right now. The structure is unstable. It’s not safe. Letting you or anybody go in would just put more people in danger.”

Joey argued. “But she could be in there,” he protested, his eyes burning with tears.

“If she’s in there,” Bo, said quietly, “If she’s in there, Joey….she’s already gone.”

Joey shook his head. “I won’t believe that. She’s not gone. She’s not! I just got her back. She is not gone!”

Taking him by the shoulders, he spoke softly but sternly, “You go home now. If I hear anything, I’ll call you. I promise. Just as soon as I can get my guys in there…you’ll be the first call I make. Ok?”

His whole body felt numb. He couldn’t cry. He couldn’t scream. He couldn’t do anything, but stare at the flames as they rose from the building, seemingly immune to the streams of water being blasted against them. He nodded as he let an officer lead him away.

~

Someone had tried to drive him home, but he’d refused. He didn’t care if he was too upset to drive. It didn’t matter anymore…nothing mattered. He’d made it home, though he didn’t remember the trip. As he stepped up towards the door, he turned the handle, bracing himself for the sight he’d see when he stepped inside.

He’d left the candles burning, the dinner ready for her arrival, the music playing in the background. Even the ring was still sitting on the table, waiting for her arrival. Now she wasn’t going to be there….

He stepped through the door, taking a deep breath.

“Joey,” she said, throwing her arms around him. “Where have you been? I was worried. You didn’t leave a note or anything and I…” She stopped and pulled away noting his strange reaction.

“You’re here,” he whispered, grabbing her and pulling her tight against him. “My God, you’re here.”

“Joey,” she said, confused.

“No.” He shook his head. “You don’t understand. I thought you were gone. I thought you were never coming back. I thought you were in that building and that the fire…”

“Wait.” She placed her hand on her forehead, trying to steady herself. “What building? A fire? Joey…what are you talking about?”

He kissed her, still staring into her eyes. “The Sun…there was a fire at the Sun and they didn’t know who might have trapped inside. No one knew if you had left or if you were still there and when you didn’t show up here…I thought…I thought you…” He pulled her towards him again.

“God, Joey. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I scared you. I had no idea,” she whispered, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder as he held her. “I just had a meeting that ran long and then when I got here I thought you just had to run out and get something. I was just waiting here for you.” She glanced back towards the table. “This is beautiful, by the way…absolutely beautiful.”

Joey looked over at the table, his eyes roaming over the clumps of wax that used to be candle and the cold, sticky mass of noodles that used to be linguine. “Yeah, well…it didn’t exactly weather the night very well,” he smiled. He walked over to the table, picking up the velvet box.

Kelly’s eyes sparkled.

“I take it you saw this?” he asked, holding it up to her.

“Yeah, I did. I tried really hard not to peek, but…” Her face broke into a smile. “Ok, I lied…I didn’t hesitate for a second.”

Joey removed the ring from the box and held her hand in hers.

“You know, I was thinking earlier tonight about how lucky we were to have a second chance, but now, after tonight, I guess this qualifies as a third chance.” He smiled as he saw the tears begin to roll down her face. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait around for us to need a fourth. I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to be with you and have a life with you.”

Kelly nodded. “I want that too,” she whispered, feeling tears begin to stream down her face.

“Hold that thought,” Joey smiled, kneeling down, “Kelly Cramer, Will you marry me?”

“I’d be honored,” she smiled.

Her hand shook as Joey placed the ring on her finger.

“It’s beautiful,” she smiled, holding her hand out in front of her. “I love it and I love that you had all this planned for tonight. Sorry we missed the romantic dinner. You know…plans really aren’t our thing.”

He leaned in, kissing her softly, “Tonight definitely didn’t go like I planned, but it certainly wasn’t a loss. Before tonight, I thought we were lucky to be getting a second chance, but after tonight, I think it’s more than that…someone up there is looking out for us.”

Kelly smiled as he brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “You really think so?” she whispered.

“I do,” he softly responded.

Kelly sighed, “I never thought I could be this happy.”

“You better get used to it.” Joey led her over to the couch, gathering her in his arms, “I’m going to make sure you’re this happy for the rest of your life.”


*April*


She stared at the stack of binders and magazines that were piled in front of her. They were symbolic, she realized. The stack was as daunting as her anxiety, her doubts, her fears.

It wasn’t that she doubted her love for Joey. She’d never doubted that. She loved him in more ways than she could ever put into words, but it was more than that. It was about more than love—it always was. As much as she wished it was, love wasn’t enough—not for them.

Standing up off the floor, she walked the length of the room, standing in front of the window, staring outside. She took a deep breath. Thinking back to all the times before, she tried to reason why things would be different this time, but the truth was she didn’t know if they would be. She couldn’t figure out why it would work this time. Why this time it wouldn’t end in absolute disaster as it had so many times before.

She loved him too much to hurt him again. Was she just sitting him up for a fall? Was she setting them both up? Collapsing on to the couch, she covered her face with her hands.

“This is crazy,” she muttered.

The sound of the door opening alarmed her and she quickly stood up, trying to appear excited and chipper, as the bride to be is supposed to be.

“Hey,” she breathed, closing the distance between them, instantly feeling more relaxed as his arms wrapped around her.

Joey stilled for a moment as he held her close to him. As he thought about his life, it was difficult for him to remember a time when Kelly wasn’t a part of it. In many ways, he thought he knew her better than he knew himself and he knew when she was worried—when she was stressed. This was the stressed Kelly.

“What’s wrong?” he said, pulling her away from him gently.

“What?” she said, trying desperately to appear truly shocked by his question. “Nothing’s wrong…I’m great. I’m just looking through all these books and magazines…you know trying to pick flowers and music and dresses and shoes and..”

Joey put his hand to her lips gently stopping her mid sentence. “Kelly,” he whispered. “I know you and I know when something is bothering you.”

He carefully took her shoulders and led her to the couch. “Why don’t you just tell me what it is? Maybe I can help.”

Kelly sighed. The last thing in the world she wanted to tell him was that she was worried about marrying him….afraid they wouldn’t last…afraid they would end up divorced and angry and hurt and bitter….just like before…like so many other times before.

Looking at her as her eyes began to glisten slightly, he realized he didn’t need to ask. “You’re worried about us,” he said softly, stating the obvious rather than asking a question.

Kelly stilled. “What?” She paused for a moment. “No, Joey. It’s not us…it’s just..”

“You’re worried it won’t work. You’re worried it’s no different than every other time we’ve tried,” he said, smiling slightly as he looked at the shocked expression that spread across her face.

“How did you know that?” she said quietly.

“You don’t think I’ve wondered the same thing?” he asked.

“I guess…I just thought that you….You just…you seemed so sure,” she said, leaning in to lay her head on her shoulder. Talking to him made her feel so much better. He always had.

“The truth is,” he said, looking down at her, “Nobody knows anything for sure, but I do know one thing.” He smiled as she looked up at him. “I know that I don’t want to live one more day without you in it. I know that we’ve lived a life apart and we’ve lived a life together and I like the life together a lot more.”

Kelly nodded and leaned in to receive the soft kiss he offered. “Me too,” she whispered.

“And I know that I love you and I’ll fight for us,” he said softly, putting his arm around her and pulling her closer to him. “So as far as marriages go, I think ours has a pretty good shot.”

“I guess this time, we decide our own ending,” she said smiling up at him, suddenly forgetting why she was worrying in the first place.

*May*


He was grateful for warmer days, otherwise he might have frozen to death as he paced in front of the driveway, trying to work up the nerve to knock on the door. He’d kept in touch, even visited a few times, but never for this…never to say what he had to say now.

He glanced over, the window ahead giving him a brief glimpse inside of the house. He smiled as he saw Kelly pass by. Knowing that his brother had her in his life made this a little easier as if someone he knew that she would help him…she’d get him through this.

Taking a deep breath, he straightened his shirt, laughing a little to himself. As if it really mattered how he looked at a time like this. Although, he realized after pausing a moment to think, it did matter. He was making a memory…he had to keep up his image.

~

“Kevin,” Kelly said, smiling broadly as she reached out to hug him. She craned her head outside the door. “Is Zane with you?”

Kevin smiled, holding her against him for a little longer than necessary. He wanted to remember this.

“No…Not this time. He had classes..they were preparing for exams and I couldn’t take him out of class right now.”

She sighed, disappointed, but understanding all the same. “I understand,” she nodded. “So, what brings you here? Why didn’t you call us? We could have met you at the airport.”

Kevin slowly sat his bag just inside the door. “There wasn’t any need for that,” he replied, trying to smile back at her although the seriousness of the moment lingered. “I just needed to see you and Joey and everybody. I needed to come home.”

“Well, we’re always thrilled to see you. You know that.” She reached out, lightly rubbing his shoulder. The tension she found there surprised her. Pulling back her hand, she walked around to face him.

“Kevin,” she said softly, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Kevin smiled. This was why he’d chosen to see her first. In truth he’d been afraid to go anywhere else first. Going to his Mom’s meant getting caught up in tears and family dinners and photo albums. With all that, he was afraid he’d end up chickening out and never telling anyone, but with Kelly he knew she’d see right through it all—and she wouldn’t back down until she knew the whole story.

“It’s not good,” Kevin said, feeling his throat tighten.

“Sit down,” she said, leading him over to the sofa slowly. Her hands shook as she took his hand in hers. “I want you tell me what’s going on, Kevin. All of it.”

“I didn’t come to Llanview just to see the family,” he replied softly, staring into her eyes, the same eyes he’d stared into so many times before. “I came to say goodbye.”

~

He wasn’t sure how long they’d been sitting there. The tears still streamed down her face. Every time he thought she was ready to talk, she’d look up at him, shake her head and begin to sob again.

“Hey,” he whispered, putting his arm around her shoulders. “Are you ok?”

“Am I ok?” she asked, looking up at him. “This isn’t about me, Kevin. My God….How long have you known this?” She tried to will herself to be calm, but her emotions were all over the place. The mix of fear, anger, and guilt that swept through her seemed to overwhelm her.

“Not long,” he admitted. “I mean, I guess…I’ve thought something might be wrong for a while…but I didn’t go the doctor until recently.”

Kelly stared at him, trying to process his words. “You knew and you did nothing? My God, Kevin…you have a son…what about Zane? Does he know? Have you told him?”

He lowered his head. He knew this question was coming and he dreaded it more than any of the others.

“No. I haven’t told him. I thought we could do that together. I didn’t want him to be alone when I told him. I wanted you with him….I wanted you to be there to help him through it.” Kevin looked at her, terrified that her anger was overshadowing her pain.

“How long?” she managed, her voice barely a whisper.

“Kelly,” he began, reaching out to touch her shoulder. “I know that you’re angry with me for not telling you sooner, but there isn’t anything you could have done.”
“Dammit, Kevin! I’m not talking about that….How long do you have?” She wanted to stand up and storm out. She wanted to run away, run and never look back as if somehow that would make this less real.

“Not long,” he said softly, touching her hand gently. “Months…two..maybe three.”

“Isn’t there anything they can do?” She looked up at him, her eyes screaming their silent pleas. “Anything?”

“ The treatments could give me a little more time, but they would also make the time I have a living hell. I don’t want that. I don’t want Zane to remember our last weeks together like that. I want him to remember us laughing and talking and doing things together. I don’t want him to see me in some hospital, hooked up to machines.”

She stood up, turning away from him. “So you’re just going to do nothing? You’re just going to let it win?”

He walked up behind her. “It’s already won, Kel. It’s spread everywhere..there’s nothing that can be done.” His arms caught her as her legs gave way beneath her. Lowering her to the floor, he held her close to him as she sobbed.

~

“I’m sorry I lost it in there.” Kelly wiped her eyes and sipped the steaming cup of tea Kevin placed in front of her. “You certainly don’t need to be taking care of me.”

“I like taking care of you. It’s a nice change of pace. I’ve spent so much time in clinics and hospitals lately with all these doctors and nurses fawning over me. It’s nice to actually be able to help someone else for a change…especially you.”

She smiled up at him. “God, Kevin…I just…I can’t imagine…”

Placing his hand in hers, he nodded. “I’ll always be here. You know that. I might not be where you can see me, but I’ll always look out for you and Zane and that knucklehead of a brother of mine.”

“Joey,” she whispered, realizing for the first time that he still hadn’t heard this news. “You haven’t told him…he doesn’t know.”

“No,” Kevin nodded. “I haven’t. I want you to be here when I do. He’s going to need you. He’s always going to need you. You two need each other…you always have.”

She felt another tear trace a trail down her cheek. “He’s going to be absolutely devastated, Kevin. I don’t know that anyone can help him through this.”

“Yes,” he nodded. “You can. You’re everything to him. He loves you. As long as he has you, he’ll be ok.” He took a sip from the cup in front of him, then reached out for her hands again. “That’s actually another thing I want to talk to you about.”

“What?” she asked.

“I need you to do something for me…one last favor.”

She tried to force a smile through the tears that threatened to fall. “Anything,” she whispered.

“I want to see the two of you make it official. I want to know that you and Joey are going to be together…forever. I want to leave Zane with a family…”

“Kevin…you can’t be serious. This isn’t the time to be thinking about celebrations and weddings.”

“It’s the perfect time. What better way to prove to Zane that we’ll be there for him? What better way to remember how precious life is..and most important what better way to take advantage of every second this life gives you.” Holding her hands more tightly in his, he stared at her.

“Don’t you waste it…not one second of it. You love him and he loves you. You grab on to it and never let it go. Trust me…I know what it’s like to live with the regret of a lost love.”

“Kevin,” she said softly, knowing too well what he meant.

“No, it’s ok. You’re happy and that’s all that matters to me. I just want to leave this world knowing that you always will be and that Zane has a home and a family that he deserves. Can you do that for me? Can you promise me that?”

Kelly nodded. “I promise.”


*June*


“Can I get you anything?” Kelly sat down beside him on the couch. He hadn’t spoken a word in nearly an hour and quite frankly she was worried. Joey wasn’t the strong silent type and the fact that he wasn’t talking was more troubling than anything he could have said.

Joey shook his head, barely lifting his head to look at her face. He could see she’d been crying and he knew she was hurting as well. Comforting her seemed like the most normal, natural thing to do and yet his own pain overwhelmed any instinct he had to reach out to her.

Slowly she reached out, touching his shoulder. “Please talk to me,” she whispered. “I need you to talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to say.” He stood, walking across the room to the window. As he looked outside, he stared at the trees and flowers beginning to bloom in the front yard. It seemed a cruel joke that everything was enjoying new life and yet his brother was losing his.

She didn’t know what to say. What could she say? She couldn’t tell him everything would be ok. It wouldn’t. Kevin had pancreatic cancer. Stage four. It had spread all over his body. There was no treatment. There was no cure. It was fatal.

“I know you’re hurting,” she said as she walked up behind him slowly, “But I need you to listen to me. It’s about what Kevin asked me.”

Slowly he turned around to face her. “Kevin asked you something? What? Why didn’t he ask me? I told him if he needed anything that I’d get it?”

She shook her head. “It’s not like that. Kevin asked me to stop wasting time. He wants us to be together.” She watched as his eyes narrowed.

“We are together, Kel,” he said quietly, not feeling up to reassuring her about their relationship status.

“I don’t mean like that….he wants us to be officially together.” She could tell Joey still had absolutely no idea what she meant. “Joey, Kevin wants us to get married…He wants to be at our wedding.”

~

“Joey,” Kelly sighed, grateful to see him walk back through the door. “Thank God you’re back. Where were you? I was worried sick.”

“I just needed a minute,” Joey said, looking at her. “What you said…what Kevin wants…I can’t…we can’t…we can’t do that.”

Kelly shook her head. “I know. I know what you’re thinking. I thought the same thing. I said the same thing. I told him that it seemed wrong, but what he said…it kind of…”

She looked up at Joey, his eyes glaring at her.

“Kind of what?” he said, his voice harsh, more with hurt and confusion than with anger.

“It made sense, Joey. He said that he wanted to know that we were together..that we were happy. He wants to know that Zane has a happy family and he wants us to make the most of every second we have together.” She took a step closer to Joey, taking his hands in hers.

“Can’t you understand that?” she whispered.

He took a deep breath. “Yeah, I can understand that, but this is like giving him permission to give up, Kel. Why fight when he knows that we’re together and Zane has a home and he has nothing. What’s left for him then?”

“Joey…he’s dying. I wish it weren’t true, but it is. He just wants to know that everyone he’s leaving behind is happy and ok. I don’t think it’s fair for us to deny him that.”

“She’s right you know.”

They both turned to face the voice behind them. Kevin stood staring at them.

“I’ve always looked out for you, little brother and I’m not about to stop now.” Kevin closed the distance between the two of them.

“Kev…this is…I can’t think about getting married when you’re…”

“When I’m here to watch you marry the woman you’ve been in love with since you were a teenager? When I’m here to be your best man? When your nephew is here to stand up there with you and join your new family?”
“Kevin,” Joey began…

“Joe…I need this. I need to know that you’re happy. I need to make sure that you and Kelly get it right this time and I need to see it…I need to see it before…”

“Kevin…don’t say it. You can still. You can still beat this.”

Kevin smiled at him. “You always were the dreamer.”



*July*

It's always good to remember where you come from and celebrate it. To remember where you come from is part of where you're going.
Anthony Burgess quotes

You can’t believe everything you see—her reflection was proof of that. As she stared back at her own face in the mirror, she looked like a happy, glowing bride. After hours of practice, she’d managed to hide the tears and worries well. Standing up, she took a breath, placing her hand over her stomach trying to settle herself. She had to do this—for the family, for Joey, for Kevin…for everyone. Everyone needed some happiness. Everyone needed this.

“When are you going to tell him?”

His voice was so startling that she might have fallen over had she not been able to brace herself on the back of the chair.

“Kevin,” she breathed. “What are you doing in here? I thought you were helping Joey get ready.”

“I was,” he said, quietly, stepping into the room and pulling the door closed behind him, “But he seemed to have everything under control so I stopped to check on you. Jessica said that you’d requested some alone time and I figured that couldn’t be good.” He stared deep into her eyes. “Looks like I was right.”

She fought to keep the tears from falling. She wanted to marry Joey. These feelings had nothing to do with that…It was just knowing what she knew….what this meant…why they were rushing…it all seemed clouded somehow…as if a dark cloud rested over all the happiness they could have.

“Hey,” he whispered, touching her arm softly. “You never answered me. When are you going to tell him?”

Kelly’s eyes darted towards him, her attention suddenly peaked. “Tell him what?”

Kevin sighed. “You know what, Kelly.”

How could he know, she thought to herself? She was certain that Joey didn’t. She hadn’t told anyone..not even Jessica.

He smiled. He could read her every thought. “If you’re wondering how I know..you’re forgetting how well I know you, Kel. I’ve been watching you these past few weeks and the only reason you’ve gotten away with it with Joey is because he’s been distracted.”

“I….” She stopped, still unsure what she should admit. What if he was just fishing? What if he didn’t know anything at all? That’s something Kevin would do.

“Kelly,” he said softly, gently walking her over to the couch on the other side of the small dressing area. “You know he’ll be thrilled.”

The heavy sigh that exited from deep within her was all the confirmation he needed. The tears that followed resolved all doubt.

“I just…I feel so guilty,” she admitted, her voice nearly overwhelmed by the sobs.

“Guilty?” he said, reaching over to place his arm around her. “Why do you feel guilty?”

She looked up at him, her eyes shining with tears. “I feel like we shouldn’t be happy with you….with you…” She couldn’t allow herself to finish.

Kevin shook his head, grabbing her shoulders gently and turning her around to face him. “You stop that,” he said, his voice serious but still kind and warm. “There is nothing better for me right now than to see you and my brother happy. A new baby will bring a lot of joy into this family. It’s the way life works sometimes. One person dies, one person is born.”

“But not you, Kevin,” she sobbed, the tears still falling. “It wasn’t supposed to be you.”
“It’s ok,” he said, stroking her back slowly. “It’ll all be ok.”

~

One Year Later (August)



“I’ve got it,” Kelly smiled as she watched Joey wrestle with the stroller.

“No,” he replied, his brow furrowed in determination. “I’m gonna get this. I will not let a stroller defeat me.”

“Careful,” she said, smiling and giggling a bit as she heard him yelp in pain, “it’ll pinch you.”

“Thanks for the warning.” He rolled the stroller around, smiling at her and holding out his injured thumb for her inspection.

“I think you’ll live,” she smiled, kissing it for good measure. “Come on, let’s get going. You’ve got the blanket right?”

“Yep, and you’ve got the basket?”

“Yes, and the diaper bag and the flowers.” She looked back at him confused by his broad smile. “What? What are you smiling about?”

“I’m just curious when it became so complicated for us to go on a picnic?”

“Well,” she sighed, peeking in on the little bundle swaddled in the stroller, “I’m thinking it was right around the time he showed up.”

“I think you might be right,” he responded, “but I wouldn’t change it for anything.”

~

There was a light breeze rustling through the trees as they spread the blanket out.

“You don’t think it’s too cold out for him, do you?” Joey asked, reaching down to cover his son’s tiny hands with the blanket.

“No, I think he’s fine,” she smiled. “And I think this was good…I think it was good for all of us.”

Joey nodded. It had been good.

“Yeah, I think you’re right. This little guy won’t ever get to meet his namesake, but we can tell him all the stories…at least all the ones fit for little ears.”

“Sure we can,” she said, softly, reaching out and touching his arm. “It’s so hard to believe it’s been a year.”

“Yeah…so much has happened. So much has changed.” Joey stared at her, smiling quietly.

Kelly glanced down at her ring. She thought about Kevin’s words and realized yet again just how right he was. She had her husband and her son and all the love and happiness she could ever hope for.

“More good than bad?” she asked, looking up at Joey with a smile.

Joey nodded. “Definitely more good than bad.”

The End